I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
