Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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