i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize