Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
