I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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