so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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