I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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