I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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