Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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