I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
