They should really pass out barf bags in church
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
