yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am naked and annoyed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
