i already hear my dad disowning me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
