He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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