This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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