I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?