worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping