Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.