Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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