I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.