If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.