This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.