With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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