good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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