U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dating After Heartbreak
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.