he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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