When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
