They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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