i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
