I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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