oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
