The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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