Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
