Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
