if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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