There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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