Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
