I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
