last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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