is wine microwaveable?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
