Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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