The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
