I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
