I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
