i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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