you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
