Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
