The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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