There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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