worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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