is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
