It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
