watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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