she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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