I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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