party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
