my being single is dangerous.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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