so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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