I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
