he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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