i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
