please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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