her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's shark week go big or go home
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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