I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
