How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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