even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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