you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
