I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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