i think my mom watched the whole time
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
