Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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