I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
