i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my poor anus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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