I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
