So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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