i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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