We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
