I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
