Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
