The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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