I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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